Teenage Pregnancy - Making Decisions (Part 2)

Following on from my last post I wanted to talk about the emotional side of having a baby when you're very young. Obviously, not all teenage pregnancies are accidental. Many girls are desperate to have a baby at a very young age, and so often I've heard explanations along the lines of, 'I just want somebody to love.' or I want a baby because then I'll have someone who will really love me.' This might sound like a good enough reason to bring a child into the world, but really, the focus is the wrong way round.

As human beings we all have a basic need for love and approval, primarily from our own families. But life is rarely perfect and many of us grow up in homes without the kind of loving and dependable attention that enables us to grow into secure people with a clear sense of self worth. If you know that you don't really love yourself, that you feel insecure, that you go looking for love in the wrong places, then you need to be really careful that you're not thinking about bringing a baby into the world in an attempt to meet your own emotional needs.

Babies need undivided attention, love and security, twenty four hours a day. They eventually grow into demanding toddlers and then children who need completely dependable emotional, physical and educational care. Your ideal, sweet and cherubic baby girl, dressed in the cutest pink outfits, may turn out to be a demanding child with a mind of her own who continually tries your patience. It's important to be realistic. Talk to other young Mums you know, ask them about the difficult times and don't just focus on what you want to hear.

Another very important consideration is that of your own relationship. If you're together with the baby's Dad and things are good between you, then you'll stand a much better chance of successfully raising a baby than if you're in a difficult or upsetting relationship. If you know that your need for love is so great that you'll put a man before your baby - then obviously this is not a good situation in which to raise a child.

Many single girls seem to start out  as good and attentive young mothers until a new boyfriend appears on the scene. Very few young men will be seriously capable of raising another man's child with the kindness and care that a child deserves. The baby may well become something of a nuisance whom he eventually sees as coming between you. In extreme cases this is a big factor in cases of child neglect and abuse. Ask yourself this - are you capable of saying no to a relationship that isn't the best for your baby? Are you strong enough to walk away from a man who makes life difficult for you as a mother?

This might all sound really negative and maybe not what you want to think about, but it's vital to be realistic and ask yourself some hard questions before you make a decision that will affect both you and another human being for the rest of your lives.

On a more positive note - there are some absolutely wonderful young, single Mums out there who should be very proud of themselves for doing such an enormously, difficult job so well. It's tough, but it's possible, with support, to be a great Mum in your teens provided you are realistic about who you know yourself to be.

You're welcome to write in with a personal question here or find further resources here.

Teenage Pregnancy - Making Decisions (Part 1)

This is such an important subject that I'll probably divide this post into 2 parts so as not to make the posts too long. When I'm perusing the Internet and occasionally writing replies to questions on other forums, I notice that advice sites are absolutely overwhelmed with questions from very young women and girls asking about contraception and pregnancy. So many girls appear to be making decisions regarding whether or not to have a baby, with little objective guidance and no real idea about how to ask the right questions of themselves in order to make the best choice in their own particular circumstances.

If you're very young and faced with making what will surely be one of the most important decisions of your life, then how on earth do you decide what  to do? Finding out that you are pregnant can be a huge shock and it might be difficult to think clearly about what to do next.

Here are some important questions you may want to consider:

• Do you have good support? If you're very young and still at school or college, then have you told your parents or another caring relative or guardian? No matter how you think they'll react, the only way to know for sure what kind of support you might have, is to talk to the responsible adults in your life.

• What is your relationship with the potential father of your child? Was this a one night stand or are you in a long term relationship? Is he kind and supportive of you, or is he pressurising you to make a choice you're not comfortable with? Does he want to be involved if you choose to keep your baby?  If the answer is yes, is he mature enough to be able to put his own needs on hold in order to learn how to become a good Dad? If not, do you want to raise a child alone? 

• Where will you live? Are you able to live with a caring and supportive adult not only during your pregnancy but more importantly after the baby is born? For how long? 

• Work & Education: Have you considered the impact of interrupting your education or work?  How and when will you go back to school or work? What financial support is available?

• What about your friends and social life? Are you truly ready to give up your freedom and the life you live now, for weeks, months and years of staying home in order to care for a baby or small child? How will you feel when your friends are getting on with many aspects of their lives without you? Can you genuinely imagine being home with a baby, not just for a few nights but as a long term commitment?

• How will you satisfy your own emotional needs? Being a mother is all about caring for someone else, but what about you? If you have good support from your family or partner, this may not be so much of an issue, but for a young woman facing pregnancy and parenthood alone it might be the most important issue to think about. 

As I feel that the emotional and relationship aspects of teenage or single pregnancy need so much consideration, I'll explore this  in more depth in Part 2...