Teenage Pregnancy - Making Decisions (Part 2)

Following on from my last post I wanted to talk about the emotional side of having a baby when you're very young. Obviously, not all teenage pregnancies are accidental. Many girls are desperate to have a baby at a very young age, and so often I've heard explanations along the lines of, 'I just want somebody to love.' or I want a baby because then I'll have someone who will really love me.' This might sound like a good enough reason to bring a child into the world, but really, the focus is the wrong way round.

As human beings we all have a basic need for love and approval, primarily from our own families. But life is rarely perfect and many of us grow up in homes without the kind of loving and dependable attention that enables us to grow into secure people with a clear sense of self worth. If you know that you don't really love yourself, that you feel insecure, that you go looking for love in the wrong places, then you need to be really careful that you're not thinking about bringing a baby into the world in an attempt to meet your own emotional needs.

Babies need undivided attention, love and security, twenty four hours a day. They eventually grow into demanding toddlers and then children who need completely dependable emotional, physical and educational care. Your ideal, sweet and cherubic baby girl, dressed in the cutest pink outfits, may turn out to be a demanding child with a mind of her own who continually tries your patience. It's important to be realistic. Talk to other young Mums you know, ask them about the difficult times and don't just focus on what you want to hear.

Another very important consideration is that of your own relationship. If you're together with the baby's Dad and things are good between you, then you'll stand a much better chance of successfully raising a baby than if you're in a difficult or upsetting relationship. If you know that your need for love is so great that you'll put a man before your baby - then obviously this is not a good situation in which to raise a child.

Many single girls seem to start out  as good and attentive young mothers until a new boyfriend appears on the scene. Very few young men will be seriously capable of raising another man's child with the kindness and care that a child deserves. The baby may well become something of a nuisance whom he eventually sees as coming between you. In extreme cases this is a big factor in cases of child neglect and abuse. Ask yourself this - are you capable of saying no to a relationship that isn't the best for your baby? Are you strong enough to walk away from a man who makes life difficult for you as a mother?

This might all sound really negative and maybe not what you want to think about, but it's vital to be realistic and ask yourself some hard questions before you make a decision that will affect both you and another human being for the rest of your lives.

On a more positive note - there are some absolutely wonderful young, single Mums out there who should be very proud of themselves for doing such an enormously, difficult job so well. It's tough, but it's possible, with support, to be a great Mum in your teens provided you are realistic about who you know yourself to be.

You're welcome to write in with a personal question here or find further resources here.