The immediate postnatal period is a time of such profound physical, emotional and relationship change it's not surprising that for for some of us, what had been anticipated as a fantasy of joy and celebration turns out to be anything but. Unrealistic expectations are often to blame and it's a really good idea to think ahead about how you might want to handle certain situations before they occur. That's not to say that planning will solve every eventuality - new babies are after all, people with very distinct personalities.
This short period of time is incredibly precious and will not come again. My own feelings are that the first couple of weeks after birth need to be a kind of protective space where anything non-essential to our own and the baby's well being is secondary. Obviously in a larger family, other children and our partners must be included, but how about keeping some of those well meaning and draining visitors at bay? We often feel pressured to open our homes to every friend and relative who wants to come over and admire our new little one, but do we really want to be learning the intimate art of breastfeeding for example, with a whole host of onlookers? Even those that come over to supposedly 'help' can often end up outstaying their welcome, leaving us tired, frustrated and desperately needing some peace, and for those of us with partners - some quiet and private time in which we learn how to relate to one another as a new family.
Prioritise your needs which are food, sleep and baby feeding and bonding. Whether you are breast or bottle feeding you need adequate food and rest. For breastfeeding this is vital - an afternoon nap is essential both for recovery from the birth and for the production of a good milk supply. If people have a habit of dropping in on you then switch off your phone, lock your front door and hang a sign saying something like 'New Parents Sleeping.' You can be polite - you don't need to write, 'Please Sod Off!' - even if you might feel like it!
Say 'Yes' to genuine offers of help, but 'No' to energy sucking leeches who you are allowing into your space because of a misplaced sense of guilt or obligation. Great people to have around are the ones who offer to take your three year old out to play, bring you over a home cooked meal without expecting to stay for a cup of coffee, or best of all take a big bag of washing over to their own home to wash without disturbing you. This is not the time for entertaining others - you have the rest of your life to do this.
Anticipate that days 3-4 following delivery are likely to be extra tiring and emotionally fraught due to the enormous hormonal changes brought about by loss of the placenta and breasts going into milk production overdrive. Many of us find ourselves suddenly bursting into tears over apparently insignificant things and feeling as though we're not coping. This is perfectly normal and doesn't mean that we are losing control or developing postnatal depression. Commonly called the 'baby blues' this period is usually short lived and will pass quickly as long as we listen to our needs which are rest, food, baby feeding and more rest. If you have a partner, warn him or her in advance that you're likely to need extra support on those days, and for single mums, enlist the support of a helpful friend and know that the laundry and dishes can wait.
Your body has just been through a massively stressful experience and needs your care and attention to recover. Being kind to yourself will also enable your baby to settle and feel secure in a non- rushed and calm environment. Learning to mother our babies is also about learning to mother ourselves.
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