New Baby - Self Nurture

Having had my own life altered by a long term illness, I've been forced into a deeper investigation into the process of self nurture. I believe that for many women this is not something that comes naturally, mainly because so many of us have grown up with the idea that in order to be worthy or likeable we must always put others first. The attitudes of generations of self deprecation, self sacrifice and service to others, as accepted by our female ancestors, somehow resides in our bones and many of us mistakenly believe that looking after our own needs smacks of selfishness, and should be secondary to the welfare of our families. Add to this, the prevailing competitiveness of the 'yummy mummy' sector and it's not surprising that new motherhood can be an incredibly stressful time.

There are many factors that bring about postnatal problems including depression, but one factor that might be within our control is the need to do too much to please others, or because we feel we have something to prove. Just because our friend or sister was over-confidently striding round the supermarket the day after giving birth, doesn't mean that we have to try to do the same. It's a really good idea to work out why we feel a need to have a perfectly tidy house, an immaculate baby or an empty laundry basket when our bodies are crying out for sleep, food or a warm bath.

When I was a community midwife I could nearly always spot the woman who was going to be a sobbing wreck by day ten. She'd be shattered from lack of rest, experiencing increased blood loss, and her determination to breastfeed would have gone out of the window as she attempted to do way too much in order to satisfy unrealistic goals. Taking care of our own physical and emotional requirements goes hand in hand with also caring for a new baby. The symbiotic relationship between mother and baby means that a well fed and rested mother is far more likely to lead to a calm baby with reduced feeding problems.

Likewise, as I also need to take care of myself and ensure that I'm properly fed - today is a day when I need to write less and rest more!  In my next post I'll share some ideas about how to reduce stress and expectations during the immediate post natal period.